BEFORE YOU READ:
Toward the end of COVID, my cousin had just said that I talked about my traumas in a really funny way. We both had dads that had passed, and she just thought it was funny how easily, or — you know, I use that word very loosely — easily I got over my dad’s death.
There was no lightbulb moment; it was just a bunch of small little moments that kept happening. I eventually said, ‘You know what? I’m just going to write a f*cking book. Why not?’ The pandemic also locked me in the house so I had time to focus on writing.
A daily dose of Asian America's essential stories, in under 5 minutes.
Get our collection of Asian America's most essential stories to your inbox daily for free.
Unsure? Check out our Newsletter Archive.
Reflection and restoration
I am really such an open book that I went into every single day like I was going to therapy. I didn’t even have any thought process of what I wanted to even write about. I just started to write and just started venting about my life, whatever came out, came out.
It made me reflect on the things that I was journaling about tenfold, whether it was me journaling about things that I was manifesting and then writing it again on this book and then speaking it again on Audible. It gave me more time to ponder the traumatizing stuff, but [it] also made me say things that I wanted to manifest more. So in a way, yes, it was very healing for me to write the book, but also the experience of it all.”
Are you thinking, who does this bitch think he is… Beyoncé? Girl, I may be writing this book at only twenty-three, but I’ve got stories to tell. For the last eight years I’ve shared so much of myself on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. But on social media I’m a curated brand — I don’t have time to show off my full self, or to explain who I really am in in addition to the jokes and glamor. So you probably know Bretman Rock the comedian and extrovert who pole dances and calls everybody “bitch,” but you don’t really don’t know Bretman Sacayanan. These Bretmans are two different people, but they are both 1,000 percent me. And we’ve both lived lifetimes already.
No. I don’t consider myself a perfectionist. My work is never going to be perfect. A lot of my favorite content that I made was by accident: When I literally forgot I was filming and there was me slapping the shit out of my sister or me forgetting my speech at the Unforgettable Gala.
From “pebble” to Rock
I think earlier if you had asked me this, like a couple years ago, when I was still a newbie, I would definitely have said yes. It was a new industry, nobody knew what the f*ck they were doing. I would get these contracts where I couldn’t talk a certain way or say certain things.
Even in the beginning parts of my career, nobody wanted to work with me because I was a teen. When I turned 18, I finally stepped into my power. When more brand deals came, I started saying, this isn’t how I talk, this isn’t how I create content, so I’m not going to follow these rules.
These people were coming into my space to promote what they were going to promote. The thing they owe me is to let me be me. I know my power. I know what I can bring in a deal. I know my audience. I’m very much self aware. And I know what’s f*cking funny and what’s not.
I don’t even want to imagine how I would have turned out if I had a Bretman Rock to look up to. When I was a child, being a Bretman Pebble, if I had access to the book, I feel like I would have been double as unstoppable as I already am.
I think ultimately, I wrote this book because I know how, at least for me, speaking to other people makes me feel less lonely. And the power of feeling less lonely makes me just more powerful. I think that’s just my goal. My purpose for the book is to make people feel seen. They’re not the only ones going through it. The book is titled ‘You’re That Bitch’ for a reason. And I’m that bitch. I just want people to close that book and realize that, you know, ‘Wow, I really am that bitch.’