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Why Feng Shui is Pretentious BS in the Modern Age

The other week, I visited a friend’s house for the first time in a while and at the center of the coffee table sat a seemingly-floating metallic orb cascading water down from a top hole into a shallow bowl. It made a horrific jack-hammering whir as it ran and there was no way to hide the ugly black cord leading to the outlet against the eggshell white wall. She said, “This is my indoor cleansing fountain.” What I saw was a fancy new drink station for her cat.

There have been many eye-roll moments I’ve encountered on house tours over the years but the cringy-est moments are with White people who really try to make themselves look extra sophisticated and cultured. Like, I appreciate the offer, Carol, but I’m just here to share chemistry homework with your daughter, I would really rather not smell your cherry blossom hand lotion that you secretly got from Bath & Body Works.