Yesterday, the Wall Street Journal wrote this hit piece on Theranos, basically saying that Theranos is a hoax. The main accusations, mainly coming from former Theranos employees, it seems, are that Theranos uses a lot of other companies’ testing machines and that Theranos’s own proprietary testing technologies are inaccurate.
First off, interviewing a bunch of laid-off employees about a relatively new company is not good reporting. Of course they are going to talk shit. They got laid off! I am guessing Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes did not give them enough hush money, or maybe they used a poorly-drafted severance agreement — but honestly, is that the way we ought to be judging a company? By how well it can control its bad hiring decisions after they are out of the door?
Take me, for instance. I talk shit about my former company Rap Genius all the time! That’s even though it is in fact a really cool company helping children to learn how to read and shit. I only say bad things because I’m salty! I’m guessing the Theranos employees feel the same way.
But, let’s even suppose that everything in the article is true — even if that is the case, what does it really amount to? The headline should read: “Theranos is good at marketing!” because apparently the company is very good at marketing if they are using existing technologies, along with a little bit of fluff, to make deals with big companies like Walgreens and bring in a ton of revenue.
Let’s face it: there are no actual “big breakthroughs” in tech. The software is all bullshit; there are so many companies right now, worth billions and billions of dollars, that are really nothing more than glorified blogs (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). The hardware is presumed to be more substantial, but in fact it is all bullshit too. Fitbit is total bullshit — it doesn’t actually make you live longer or anything. They make money off of pure marketing; they made it cool for rich guys to wear a Fitbit.
Similarly, Theranos is using existing technology but has managed to make testing “cool.” More people get tests now thanks to Theranos, and they seem to think the interface is easy to deal with and the results are easy to read.
So why did the Wall Street Journal write this hit piece? Because the Theranos founder is a young girl, and WSJ newsroom are a bunch of sexist assholes. They wanted to fuck with her, and they evidently got extra-mad when she declined to comment for their hit piece. I have personally been the subject of countless media hit pieces — I always comment. I can’t keep my mouth shut — and let me tell you: trust me, it doesn’t help if you comment! If the reporter has set out to fuck you, you’re going to get fucked! There is no helping it.
I wanted to give my love to Elizabeth Holmes. I think you’ve built a really cool company and it is changing the way people think about testing. Heck, I might even go get a Theranos allergy test! I’ve been meaning to get one for years. Sorry your asshole ex-employees and these asshole sexist reporters are fucking with you — don’t worry, I’m sure it will be forgotten in a week, and you’ll still be a billionaire!
Love you bae! Text me. <3