Meet Sahib Singh.
Singh is an aspiring comedian who loves nothing more than to make people laugh.
It’s crazy how fast technology is changing our world. I will admit, I was skeptical of the Apple Watch when it first came out, but this newest model is something else. I know what you’re thinking: isn’t that your grandfathers blood pressure monitor? No. And it’s weird that you would assume my grandfather has high blood pressure. It was actually my grandmothers before we misplaced her oxygen tank. RIP Memaw. I’m kidding we called her grandma, we aren’t white. Fortunately, I have another grandma and (thankfully) she doesn’t have high blood pressure. She does, however, have sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis to be exact. We’re not sure of the exact number of scerlosis, but it’s a lot. If I had to guess I’d say 7.
No seriously, he’s hilarious.
Today I noticed this man doing a very aggressive butterfly stretch. Not only did I notice his deep stretch, I also noticed that dangling out of his shorts was his testicle. A single glistening testicle, plopped neatly upon the gym mat. Although I was horrified, I couldn’t look away. I felt obligated to tell him that his package was taking up real estate on the gym mat. He quickly replied “happens”, then got up and got on this elliptical. For a few moments I wondered if this meant I was gay, a silly thought in retrospect, but I just wanna be transparent with you guys. After the incident I was shook, but I remembered that God always has a plan. There are no accidents in life. This morning I was supposed to see this mans testicle, and tonight I was supposed to share this with you. I feel truly blessed to be able to share and I hope you all have a blessed evening.
Unfortunately, one person doesn’t seem to think so — his sister, who took to Twitter to see about possibly revoking his Instagram privileges.
Can someone confiscate my brother’s Instagram pic.twitter.com/Ehxh8oQLPz
— sunmeet kaur (@meetdasun) November 25, 2017
So naturally, the tweet went viral.
First of all, you’re a wonderful sister for this hilarious post. Second, I’m fully subscribed, your brother is hilarious. Thank you
— SUMMONS (@svmmxns) November 27, 2017
I am considering joining instagram just to follow this guy
— Joe Griffin (@theJoeGriffin) November 27, 2017
This man is a fucking Legend.
— Alexander (@AJ4738) November 27, 2017
I’m actually gonna follow him because he seems to be such an amazing soul
— Snorlax (@jmedrano404) November 27, 2017
Lmfaooooo I’m actually dead
— nicki (@Kaviksha) November 25, 2017
Some used the opportunity to offer their hand in marriage — both to Singh…
I volunteer to marry him even tho no one was asking. I just laughed so hard and I need more.
— L Queen (@espiecyy) November 27, 2017
Hi so I’m interested in being your sister in law
— alexandra larsen (@_alexandraol) November 27, 2017
…and to his sister!
Is your brother looking for a brother-in-law, because what’s good Ma?
— Moose🤷🏾♂️ (@IamMoosa) November 27, 2017
Everyone’s favorite post of Singh’s was definitely the one where he unleashed everyone’s inner petty.
Literally everyone related to this petty AF post.
the first post is all of us tbh
— bratz angel (@gothincolour) November 27, 2017
what’s the point of having all those followers if they ain’t likin your pics??
— ashlei (@ashdavidson13) November 27, 2017
literally you 💀
— titus andromedon (@lalalalailani) November 27, 2017
Me af 💀💀💀💀💀
— leah (@unbeLEAHvable15) November 27, 2017
THE SPREADSHEET, I’M HEAVING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
— Fernandez (@unawkwardturtle) November 27, 2017
Sadly, Instagram took down the post, as they (wrongly) believed the addresses to be real.
@Instagram deleted my post because people like this reported it for being real data. It was an excel template with made up addresses and numbers lol
— SahibCantSingh (@SahibCantSingh) November 27, 2017
But not before Singh went from his alleged 300 Instagram followers to over 24K in just two short days; reportedly, he’s having some difficulty adjusting to his newfound fame.
Being famous isn’t easy. I’ve spent nearly 4 hours going through all my new followers trying to find the baddest bitch https://t.co/97BXrCYAGG
— SahibCantSingh (@SahibCantSingh) November 27, 2017
Anyway, be sure to check out some of his other great posts to make up for the tragic loss of the pettiest post on the planet:
Today someone told me to “go back to your fuckin country” and I thought to myself: how could anyone truly hate someone they do not know? Then it occurred to me that I’m no different. I, too, hate people for no reason. I fucking hate people that grip their pencils like this. What’s the deal with this. It’s disgusting. You do not need to use 100% of ur fingers to grip a pencil. You’re not just embarrassing yourself, you’re embarrassing me. Do these people need to use paper with the dotted lines in the middle? What size font do they write in? Do they flip their entire hand over when they need to erase? Why are we ok with this as a society?
Also, he raps — check out T-Iddy, aka zero foreplay:
Thanks for the laughs, Sahib!
Day 14 of #NoMakeup. I feel alive. I feel authentic. I feel sensual. And with a little help from my Pilates class, I finally feel like i’m in control of my life. Some say i’m sassy 💅, some say I drink a little too much, but hey coffee isn’t a drug 😜 And even though i’m a TOTAL nerd (Rick and Morty enthusiast 🤓 👀), I WILL pet your dog. P.S. SEND ME MEMES 😂
Feature Image via Instagram / SahibCantSingh