It’s crazy how fast technology is changing our world. I will admit, I was skeptical of the Apple Watch when it first came out, but this newest model is something else. I know what you’re thinking: isn’t that your grandfathers blood pressure monitor? No. And it’s weird that you would assume my grandfather has high blood pressure. It was actually my grandmothers before we misplaced her oxygen tank. RIP Memaw. I’m kidding we called her grandma, we aren’t white. Fortunately, I have another grandma and (thankfully) she doesn’t have high blood pressure. She does, however, have sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis to be exact. We’re not sure of the exact number of scerlosis, but it’s a lot. If I had to guess I’d say 7.
Today I noticed this man doing a very aggressive butterfly stretch. Not only did I notice his deep stretch, I also noticed that dangling out of his shorts was his testicle. A single glistening testicle, plopped neatly upon the gym mat. Although I was horrified, I couldn’t look away. I felt obligated to tell him that his package was taking up real estate on the gym mat. He quickly replied “happens”, then got up and got on this elliptical. For a few moments I wondered if this meant I was gay, a silly thought in retrospect, but I just wanna be transparent with you guys. After the incident I was shook, but I remembered that God always has a plan. There are no accidents in life. This morning I was supposed to see this mans testicle, and tonight I was supposed to share this with you. I feel truly blessed to be able to share and I hope you all have a blessed evening.
Today someone told me to “go back to your fuckin country” and I thought to myself: how could anyone truly hate someone they do not know? Then it occurred to me that I’m no different. I, too, hate people for no reason. I fucking hate people that grip their pencils like this. What’s the deal with this. It’s disgusting. You do not need to use 100% of ur fingers to grip a pencil. You’re not just embarrassing yourself, you’re embarrassing me. Do these people need to use paper with the dotted lines in the middle? What size font do they write in? Do they flip their entire hand over when they need to erase? Why are we ok with this as a society?
Day 14 of #NoMakeup. I feel alive. I feel authentic. I feel sensual. And with a little help from my Pilates class, I finally feel like i’m in control of my life. Some say i’m sassy 💅, some say I drink a little too much, but hey coffee isn’t a drug 😜 And even though i’m a TOTAL nerd (Rick and Morty enthusiast 🤓 👀), I WILL pet your dog. P.S. SEND ME MEMES 😂