She Asked Her Chinese Dad Whether Her Sister Can Date a Black Man

The video, posted to r/hapas, doesn’t show any distinguishable features of the people talking, pointing at their legs instead as they discuss the controversial issues.

“Other people are saying that [hapas are the most beautiful],” the Redditor’s father can be heard saying at the beginning of the video, “I was looking at pictures of hapas online, half White and half Chinese, pretty good.”

Perhaps wanting to drive the discussion in a certain direction, the Redditor pressed her father. “If my sister dated a Black guy, you would get angry, but if she dated a White guy–“

“Yes,” her father interjected, “because Chinese people usually don’t like Black people.”

“But not just Blacks, but also Indian people,” OP (which stands for Original Poster in the reddit community) added.

“Yes,” her father agreed. “I also don’t like them.”

When asked why, her father seemed unsure at first. “How do I explain it? There is not a good impression.”

Not pleased with the answer, OP persisted. “But…why do you think Chinese and White couples are better than Chinese and Black couples?”

Her father clarified his position. “I didn’t say White people are better than Chinese people, but Chinese and White couples are better than Chinese and Black/Indian couples.”

The video then cuts to another portion of the conversation. “Do you think half-Chinese, half-White people are the most beautiful?” the Redditor asked.

He answered in the affirmative. “Yes, remember Gabby? When she was little, she was ugly, but right now, she looks pretty.”

The video then ends, viewers left with mixed emotions; for one, the notion that there’s a distinct preference for Asian/White pairings over Asian/Black or Asian/Indian isn’t necessarily new — how many of us have heard similar sentiments from our parents or family members? This example of anti-Blackness permeates our community and exhibits itself in our dating preferences; in fact, a large facet of Asian-American activism almost seems rooted in whether or not we have the right to date White people, while the same kind of fervor seems largely absent for our ability to date Black people.

On the other hand, despite its relatability, it’s a difficult subject to broach. Many of us can say that we have a family member who feels as this Redditor’s father does, but to admit it seems disrespectful. To speak ill of our parents in a public forum is no light matter, even shameful, which is possibly why this mindset has gone unchecked for so long. And in not addressing our parents’ views, it begs the question as to whether or not we’ve incorporated them into our own way of thinking.

For those Asian brothers and sisters who are in a relationship with a White person, there isn’t anything inherently wrong with your union; as long as both parties are happy and healthy, there’s little else that truly matters. But to date White to the exclusion of others is certainly a problem, a preference we may have picked up from the generation before us.

Additionally, the idea that Eurasians — often referred to as hapas — are more aesthetically pleasing than Asians as a general rule is equally problematic. Why are we rejecting our own features, idolizing European ones instead? There’s no issue with finding an individual person who happens to be Eurasian attractive, but to argue that, as a group, they are more visually appealing that Asians as a whole is not only incorrect but reeks of self-hatred, and to place an entire group on a pedestal as such ignores their individuality and unique experiences.

The next step, then, would be to ask ourselves honestly — do we, as the global Asian community, feel even remotely similar to the Redditor’s father? Or are we appalled, like OP?

Let us know your thoughts in the comments.

Featured Image via Wikimedia Commons / Emily Tan (CC BY 2.0)