Chinese Tycoon Buys Out NextShark — All Employees Become Rich Kids of Instagram (April Fools!)

NextShark, our online magazine that writes about crazy Chinese stories and spoiled Asian girls, has been bought out by a wealthy media tycoon in China for an undisclosed amount of money.

#acquired check out Nextshark.com for the full story!

A video posted by Nextshark (@nextshark) on Apr 1, 2016 at 1:34pm PDT

We are proud and excited to announce that we have become just like the “Rich Kids of Instagram” whose lives we’ve long been exploiting for profit.

While all the money is self-made, we are now ballin’ out of control and have completely forgotten the value of a dollar.

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Things like “financial responsibility,” “modesty” and “class” have no meaning to us anymore — just like real rich kids!

After withdrawing a ton of cash from our bank, we immediately went to the nearest jeweler to buy a bunch of expensive watches at random.

In an attempt to stay grounded, we decided to pause and live out our childhood dream of playing Monopoly with real cash.

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We then irresponsibly decided that the fastest way to spend our newfound wealth was to get a black American Express Centurion Card — and they actually gave us one!

We went straight to the nearest import car dealer in Newport Beach and bought a Ferrari 458 Spyder — used, obviously. (Our company wasn’t worth that much it turns out.)

We even gave our overworked video intern a well-deserved bonus bag.

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And one more thing — APRIL FOOLS! (We are still struggling startup employees but thanks for clicking on our article).

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