NextSharkNextShark.com

Doing This One Thing is Guaranteed to Destroy Your Relationship, 14-Year Study Says

Doing This One Thing is Guaranteed to Destroy Your Relationship, 14-Year Study Says

February 5, 2016
SHARE
The way couples deal with arguments can determine whether their relationships will last.
Disagreements with your significant other are bound to come up regardless of how long you’ve been together. Though that’s completely normal, John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute, says the events that unfold after that are what really matter.
During an argument, do you listen to your partner while they’re speaking? Are you too busy thinking of things to say in defense? Are you attacking your partner? Do you ever think to yourself, “How dumb does a person have to be to not know that?”
Subscribe to
NextShark's Newsletter

A daily dose of Asian America's essential stories, in under 5 minutes.

Get our collection of Asian America's most essential stories to your inbox daily for free.

Unsure? Check out our Newsletter Archive.

If that last question has ever occurred to you during one or more of your disagreements, then you are probably showing signs of contempt for your partner. Contempt is a toxic blend of both anger and disgust that’s worse than simply being frustrated or upset with a significant other. Having contempt for someone means that you see the person as beneath you rather than on an equal level. According to Gottman, “Contempt is the kiss of death.”
Contempt, coupled with negative behaviors of criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, is so detrimental to relationships that Gottman and University of California at Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson say they can predict divorce among couples who exhibit those signs with 93% accuracy.
The percentage was found after conducting a 14-year study of 79 couples living in the U.S. Midwest. Throughout the span of the 2002 study, 21 couples filed for divorced. Couples who exhibit this negative behavior have what is termed the superiority complex.
The superiority complex is an exaggerated feeling of being better than others. In relationships, this type of behavior may make it difficult for a person to empathize with their partner or see a situation from a different perspective. It also makes it less likely that the person with contempt will see their significant other’s opinions as valid.
However, recognizing these signs within a relationship is a good thing. It’s the first step to being more aware of how you deal with conflicts and to make efforts to avoid this type of behavior. The end results will be a better and improved relationship that increases your chances of staying together.
MOST READ
    HAPPENING NOW
      Editorial Staff

      Editorial Staff Follow NextShark on <a>Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.twitter.com/nextshark">Twitter</a> to keep up-to-date on our posts! Send us tips, press releases, and story ideas to info[at]nextshark[dot]com.

      SHARE THIS ARTICLE:

      RELATED STORIES FROM NEXTSHARK

      Support
      NextShark's
      Journalism

      Many people might not know this, but NextShark is a small media startup that runs on no outside funding or loans, and with no paywalls or subscription fees, we rely on help from our community and readers like you.

      Everything you see today is built by Asians, for Asians to help amplify our voices globally and support each other. However, we still face many difficulties in our industry because of our commitment to accessible and informational Asian news coverage.

      We hope you consider making a contribution to NextShark so we can continue to provide you quality journalism that informs, educates, and inspires the Asian community. Even a $1 contribution goes a long way. Thank you for supporting NextShark and our community.

      © 2023 NextShark, Inc. All rights reserved.