Hopeful Entrepreneur Tries to Cash $368 Billion Check, What Happens Next is Obvious
By Augustine Reyes Chan
May 8, 2015
A Florida man walked into a bank and tried to cash a nearly $400 billion check.
Last month, Jeff Waters presented a check written out to cash to the Jacksonville, Florida, Bank of America. The amount was for a whopping $368 billion.
Waters bought the blank U.S. Bank of Idaho check off a homeless man named Tito Watts for $100 several months ago. Watts reportedly told Waters that he could make out the check, which was issued in the 1990s, to any amount he wanted.
You know, maybe a couple hundred bucks. Maybe make a profit of the $100 spent. But no, Waters went for broke by trying to get the bank to pay him in the billions.
Yeah, like that would’ve worked.
So what was Waters going to do with all that money? He wanted to open up an underwater Italian restaurant that would seat 30 million people.
Yeah, like that would’ve worked too.
As Waters reportedly told police. “It’s always been my dream to own the best Italian restaurant in the earth. I’m 10% Italian. Cooking authentic Italian food is in my blood. I had planned to make the restaurant 80 million square feet and able to accommodated (sic) 30 million eaters at once, plus it was gonna be totally underwater so people could look at sharks while they ate.”
Waters never saw a penny because “the bank wouldn’t give me my money they owed me.”
I know, what’s up with that, right?
Blame it on the homeless man. As Waters put it, “Tito said the check was good for any amount I wanted to write it for. So blame Tito, not me. I’m as innocent as a schoolgirl.”
Right. A schoolgirl who was arrested for forgery and who just happened to have been “unlawfully” carrying balth salts and Chinese throwing stars on his person.
You know, because that’s what schoolgirls carry with them.
This story is so weird that we can’t even begin to question how Waters got his hands on the $23,000 he needed to post bail.
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