Guy Tries to Network With Mark Cuban at SXSW, Fails Miserably

A lot of us probably tell ourselves we will never be starstruck if we ever meet an idol or celebrity, but some of us just can’t help but vomit creepy nonsense when we finally get that chance, only for said idol/celebrity to walk away frightened and thoroughly creeped out. 

One incredibly unfortunate Redditor, Vohit4Rohit, will live with this internal disgrace for the rest of his life after meeting and creeping on Mark Cuban in a hotel lobby while at SXSW this week. Here is “TIFU [Today I Fucked Up] by talking to Mark Cuban.”

This actually happened yesterday, so YIFU [Yesterday I Fucked Up].

So I’m at the SXSW Interactive/Film festival. Two nights ago (Saturday), my girlfriend and I are stumbling home after a night of Lone Stars and music. We get to our hotel and the lobby bar is still rocking at 2:30am. As we walk past the lunatics still partying, en route to the elevator bank, a friend spots me and yells “hey VOHIT4ROHIT!”. We go over to the bar, catch up for a sec, and I notice his crew is leaning on the bar next to, sorta with Mark Cuban.

My jaw drops, this is the moment I’ve been waiting for for a long time. Now I’m not a fan of the Dallas Mavericks, but I do appreciate Mark Cuban’s success and his outspokenness. But that’s not what I want to tell him. What I want to go up to and tell him is that a few years ago I had a dream about him, where I gave him a sandwich and we became friends. I even tweeted that brief, amazing story to him to following morning (which he obviously never wrote back to):

just remembered that last night i dreamed i was friends with @mcuban and we were eating sandwiches. now i’m sad it’ll never be…

I chickened out. I have no problem with talking to celebrities – in my line of work we come across them all the time at parties, events, shoots, etc – so it was not me being star struck in any way.
Even though he was openly talking to whoever was near him, I couldn’t be the weirdo that goes up to Mark Cuban and tells him about a dream that he was in.

I regretted missing out on the moment over and over. My girlfriend was getting tired of me whining about it. I literally couldn’t stop thinking about it. I HATE missed opportunities – because they equal regrets.

And then yesterday (Monday) afternoon we’re walking through our hotel lobby, and guess who walks by…

Mark Cuban is hurriedly going the opposite direction.

This is my shot.

“Hey Mark!” He slows down. “Hey dude” Mark says with a warm friendly smile, coming to a full stop. Now is my chance to tell the story, the one I’ve been waiting for years to tell him. I see he’s in a rush so I quickly thrust my hand out for a hand shake and begin speed talking… “Hey Mark, I don’t want to tell you about being a fan or whatever, but I want to tell you about my dream. You were in my dream. This was a couple years ago. And we were good friends because I gave you a sandwich. But then I woke up and was sad. And I wanted to tell you this the other night but I chickened out. But I figured you’d appreciate it. And now we’re actually seeing each other but I don’t have a sandwich for you. And you never Tweeted back at me, by the way. So I just thought I’d tell you that, to finally get it off my chest. So I guess we’re friends now. Ha!” I was talking so fast that I couldn’t process the degree that I creeped this man out. Halfway through my 30 second diatribe he began slowly walking away, with his mouth in a frown, and his eyes darting everywhere except towards me. His only response was a forced smile and “k”. I’ve been cringing for the last 24 hours.

TL;DR – I had a dream about Mark Cuban 3 years ago and then threw spaghetti at him yesterday, and he probably thinks I’m a stalker.

This is probably how we all feel inside at this point. 

Related Posts