Animal poop — it’s the second worse kind after baby poop, but for the low price of .05 Bitcoin ($16.50), this company will ship animal shit to anyone on your bad side, anywhere in the world.
It’s called Shit Express, and their slogan is “A simple way to send shit in a box around the world.” The process is simple — you choose an animal excrement, give an address, personalize the package for your needs, and you pay anonymously with cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, Litecoin or Dogecoin.
In perhaps one of the greatest works of journalistic product/service reviews, Motherboard staff writer Jason Koebler purchased and sent shit to himself in his first ever Bitcoin purchase. Accompanied with a note that said, “I hate your guts,” the package, which took two weeks to ship, originated in Slovenia and contained horse shit in an air-tight plastic container. Air-tight — that’s rather kind.
But … why?? According to Koebler, “Internet-based shit delivery services are not necessarily new, but they are, unfortunately, hit or miss.” Previous services offered exotic shits, but long legal disclaimers and the necessity for credit cards are just too much of a turn off, Koebler explains. Shit Express is definitely disrupting the international shit-sending industry. So what does your Bitcoin actually buy you?
On the side of the package is the personalized note, and on the top there is a standardized note which reads:
“I received a horse shit, what now?
At first, think about yourself. Someone sent it to you probably because you hurt or insulted a person, consciously or unconsciously.
Take a deep breath, nothing bad happened. You should just try to be a better person.”
For now, only horse shit is available, but the site says more options will come soon. Regardless, you’ll still get the “oh shit, it’s shit” reaction.
If ever you needed a reminder on how progressive our society is, we as civilized humans don’t throw shit — we use the internet and digital currencies to purchase and send the shits of other species to people in neat, professional packages. Humans are awesome.