A white man recently wrote a curious piece expressing how he has become a victim of racism because he married an Asian woman.
Writing for The Good Men Project, Dan Blacharski explained how he feels he’s being discriminated against by those who “refuse to accept the fact that I may just be in love with an Asian woman.” He takes offense when people label it as “yellow fever” or calling it a “fetish.”
He also complained that people “think that we’re looking for an easy way out, that we’ve taken mail-order brides, or that it’s just ‘because we couldn’t get a white woman.’”
While he believes what he’s doing is giving a voice to all those other “oppressed” white men who are “victimized” by dating Asians, his multi-paragraph rant mostly reveals personal insecurities and completely ignores how the treatment affects his wife.
He also exhibits a questionable view of how racism works. Throughout the article he shifts the racism from other people towards his wife as “racism” against him:
“There is an inherent assumption that if a white man is with an Asian woman, it automatically means that he is taking advantage of her and she is unable of making intelligent decisions on her own. Or contrarily, it means that she is taking advantage of him for a green card.
“I’ve gotten the raised eyebrow from men who have never left the Rust Belt when I tell them I used to live in Bangkok, a city they believe to be one big whorehouse filled with Thai women who were born to serve. When people see a white man walking arm in arm with a Thai woman, there is all too often an incredibly offensive assumption that they met in a go-go bar and that she was a prostitute. Yes, like every big city in the world, Bangkok does have a red light district, but for the most part Thai culture is conservative and very spiritual. And believe me, there’s nothing subservient about my Thai wife!”
Focusing on playing the victim becomes problematic, especially if he dismisses the racism that his wife may actually be experiencing, according to Erin Chew of YOMYOMF. “Why is everything about him and nothing about how his wife or other Asian women feel? It’s all about ME ME ME!” Chew writes.
This paragraph even hints that his own family placed a cultural pressure on his wife:
“In the lily-white fundamentalist church where I was brought up, there were no Asians. As a courtesy to my parents, my wife and I did attend a couple of times, and there was an uncomfortable unspoken tension about the racial mixing, and an overwhelming sense that they needed to immediately show her the “right” path and put aside everything about her own culture and upbringing and embrace their particular brand of Christianity.”
Instead of writing how his wife felt about the incident, he wrote about feeling victimized (by racism?) himself: “There was a sense that I had sinned by leaving a “good Christian woman” and taking up with a heathen.”
He also didn’t write about him standing up to his parents against their not-so-subtle racism toward her.