Mom Reveals 37 Awful Things People Have Said About Her Adopted Chinese-American Daughters
February 19, 2018
Asian-American adoptees are, unfortunately, used to ignorant questions. “Where are you from?” or “Who are your real parents?” are constant queries that these people hear, from adoption to adulthood, and it can be a depressing, “othering” experience.
One mother and photographer, Kim Kelley-Wagner, decided to use her creativity to showcase the pain her daughters go through with each and every question asked through a unique photo series.
“I have tried to explain to my daughters that people do not say these things to be mean, they say them out of ignorance, which is why I am sharing some of them. Words are powerful, they can become tools or weapons, choose to use them wisely.”
Kelley-Wagner said the experience was eye-opening and a positive one, and that they received generally supportive feedback.
“Most of the feedback was positive and supportive, however, there was a fair amount of backlash from the adoption community, some disagreed on our method of approaching this problem and accused me of exploiting my children. I explained within the project that it was my eldest daughter’s idea and a project we worked on together. My younger daughter was not originally supposed to be involved, as she was so young, but she felt left out when we started shooting photos and argued that she had been spoken to in this way as well and wanted to participate, so she was included. I let them remember what was said to themselves.
“Though the criticism to my parenting was hurtful, it wasn’t/isn’t important. All that matters is what my children think and feel. For them the project was cathartic and they were proud of it. Ultimately my oldest daughter, now seventeen, continued her activism and is active in our community. She has even won a college scholarship recently for her service to the local community. I believe that this early experience in forming opinion and having an impact made a strong impression on her.”
Check out the photo series below:
“They can’t love you like your own could.”
“Why didn’t you get one that was ‘perfect’?”
“You must take after the other side of the family. Haha.”
“You’re lucky you got one of the pretty ones.”
“Are you REAL sisters?”
“Say some Chinese for me!”
“Why didn’t her REAL family want her?”
“Why didn’t you get one from OUR foster care system?”
“How much did she cost?”
“She is lucky you came along, otherwise she would be dead on the street.”
“It is so nice of your mom to SAVE you.”
“They send their babies here so that they can become spies when they get older.”
“Where are your REAL parents?”
“I could never think of someone else’s kids as my own.”
“Wow, special needs, bet she was extra expensive.”
“Why don’t you look like your mom?”
“They hate girls in the country you come from, you know that right?”
“But what are her emotional issues?”
“How could you love a child you didn’t give birth to? I could never do that.”
“You don’t know what problems they will have down the road, and they WILL have problems you know.”
“I could never take on someone else’s problem like that!”
“What a China doll!”
“Do you know her REAL family?”
“Aren’t you afraid they will hate you later for taking them away from their own country?”
“Didn’t you want one that looked like you?”
“Do you both have the same mother?”
“Do you have any kids of your own? No, I mean your OWN kids.”
“Why don’t you speak Chinese?”
“It’s so easy to get a baby over there, they just give them away.”
“She isn’t your REAL sister, you know that, right?”
“Why would you bring more immigrants into OUR country?”
“Your mom is a real saint for wanting you.”
“Did they let you pick one?”
“Do they know they are adopted?”
“You’ll send her back when she is an adult, right?”
“Wow, your mom could have bought a nice car instead of adopting you.”
“She speaks really good English! (they were adopted as babies)”
Featured Image via FaceBook / Kim Kelley-Wagner Images
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