If nothing else, you gotta admire this guy’s work ethic. At the ripe old age of 60, when most of us have either retired or gone on to become greeters at Walmart (because everyone we love has either abandoned us or died and we miss human contact — there’s a slightly-better-than-good chance I’m just projecting here), this Aussie AARPer is still going strong in his job of three years: professional whore fucker. Err, I mean “brothel buster investigator.”
You see, “Moe Lester” — his real name is top secret — is doing a job very few other men can or want to do. Screwing young, nubile Asian women. Actually, let me amend that slightly: Screwing poor Asian immigrants who are so desperate for Australian citizenship and dingos to eat their babies that they will allow themselves to be screwed by 60-year-olds for money. That they want to stay in Australia so badly — and that they’re not afraid of what will happen to them when they use public methods of transport there — that they’ll have degrading sex with nasty-ass men is quite simply heartbreaking, said no straight men who regularly watch casting couch porn ever.
According to the Sydney Morning Herald’s website, Lester was a taxi driver working 12-hour shifts in order to just to put food on the table before he responded to, what I imagine, was a Craigslist ad looking for “creepy old white men to fuck subservient Asian women in small, dark rooms.” He told the publication, “Never in a million years would I have imagined a job like this existed, let alone me doing it. It’s a strange world for sure.” Lester then spontaneously proceeded to clap along because he felt like a room without a roof.
When Lyonswood Investigations advertised for the job back in 2011, the Sydney-based agency supposedly received a flood of resumes. Lyonswood’s managing director Lachlan Jarvis confirmed to SMH that Lester was the only one suitable for the job because he had his “investigator’s license, his oral and written English was excellent, he was willing to appear in court if needed … and he was single.” Also probably because he was the only applicant not currently serving time in prison.
We’re finally off to a better life, guys!
So what does Lester do, exactly? He goes in undercover to unlicensed brothels and then proceeds to see if said brothels allow any of their employees to ride the withered eggplant. If they do, they’re in trouble. As many as 10 Sydney councils have hired him on approximately 60 separate occasions thus far, and he’s been paid tens of thousands of dollars for his “services.”
To his knowledge, Lester is only one of two men that can truly claim to carry his particular job title in Sydney. The dream* job is so secretive that he is only emailed locations and descriptions for new assignments, which upon completion he then files a report that is forwarded to the councils. His adult sons aren’t even aware of what he does. “I’ve considered sitting them down and telling them. Alternatively, when I kick the bucket, they’ll go through my paperwork and discover for themselves.”
*the kind of dream you have while passed out after binging on too many horse chalupas